Pulled In Many Directions

Not-so-daily rambings about my life and my thoughts

Monday, November 29, 2004

The Butterfly Effect

Back to last night's post.

This has got to be one of the most insanely fucked up movies I have ever seen in my life. I feel a bit silly describing the movie, as I'm sure mostly everyone (with the exception of those who live in Korea) has already seen it.

This is a science fiction movie. Case in point, Ashton Kutcher plays this brilliant psychology student who has seemingly recovered from a traumatic childhood complete with blackouts where he comes out of them, not remembering what just happened to him. A psychiatrist advises him to keep journals of his thoughts to help regulate then diminish the blackouts, and later he discovers that somehow, he can use those journals to alter his past. But then he finds whatever he altered, a new, possibly more horrible life awaits for him.

Case in point, Evan tells off the father of his friends, who wanted to use Evan and his own daughter in some kiddie porn thing. Evan wakes up a high-profile frat boy, his friend Kayleigh, whom he has always loved is now his girlfriend and a sorority girl, but her brother has gone completely psychotic, and Evan accidentally kills her brother when trying to defend himself. Then he winds up in jail (Yeah, Ashton Kutcher in prison. The jokes can't stop here...) and his life is essentially ruined.

I guess everyone has these moments in life we all want to do-over like it's a football game in grade school. But I think if we focus on the what-ifs too much, we could all go crazy, wishing for a newer, but not necessarily better, outcome, and just living in the past with a sense of regret clouding over everything.

There are plenty of what-ifs in my life: what if my parents had told me about their marriage falling apart sooner, what if I had stood up to people who had picked on me, what if I had gone to another university, what if I had stayed with my first boyfriend, what if I didn't come to Korea, and during the movie, it had gotten to me at some points, that maybe I had made some mistakes, but the thing the movie was saying was that trying to change them, or at least wallowing in the past is not going to help things any, and will most likely affect the present.

What I found really interesting is that it seemed the more Evan tried to rectify the past, the more unstable time became, indicating to me that the past is something you should not mess with. Make a decision and try to stick to it, or try to change the decision you made, but accept the outcome of that.