Pulled In Many Directions

Not-so-daily rambings about my life and my thoughts

Tuesday, December 14, 2004


From the blog of Vicki Ho, who lives in Singapore.

The Platypus clued me in to this post, as we were talking about the grand subjects of life and love this morning. The Platypus is one deep fellow. :)

do we need drama to feel right about ourselves? had coffee today with someone who quite simply labeled someone i had come to know recently as "a simpleton who needs drama in order to feel alive." now, obviously a sad sort of state for whomever, isn't that just a little oxymoronic? i'm going to go out on a limb and say that people craving drama are also accepting of the byproduct of that, which is absolute trauma, rubbish messing up their lives and the like. now why do people do that? everybody (or at least most) assert that i, too, crave drama and even thrive on it. this is a total fallacy. take my word for it. i really do appreciate, above all, a quiet and easy existence. but shit happens, and we all learn to deal with gradually larger amounts as we grow. (or as it grows. ha ha.)but for those who listen to sad songs, or immerse themselves in suicidal poetry in order to perhaps glean some tragic hand-on-forehead-ness empathetically... hey, whatever floats your boat, right. but really, thinking it makes you more of an interesting person, because you can quote sylvia plath... that might be a bit of a stretch.and yet many, many do it.
Anyways, I am a big believer in that we need to struggle a bit in order to grow -- that which won't kill us (or destroy us) will make us stronger. But I try try try to avoid drama like the plague now. I don't like emotional roller coasters. I don't like soap operas to begin with. I think when I was in high school, I welcomed drama. I've always been someone who felt her emotions super-strongly, but back then, I reveled in my misery, maybe thinking I was a better person for going through so much emotional pain.

Now I sometimes feel like drama follows me around like a lost puppy dog, and it seems to me, that in any romantic relationship I have been in, drama has almost always right from the very start, reared its ugly head.

There are people I know who seem to thrive on drama. Like in the song by the Goo Goo Dolls, they bleed just to know they're alive. I've never been one myself to cut myself or drink myself into oblivion to scream out to people that I am in any kind of pain, but then, I've always been a chronic nalbiter, unti they bleed and until I feel some kind of acute pain...I wonder if I'm not too far removed from those who mutilate themselves to make sure they can feel something.