Pulled In Many Directions

Not-so-daily rambings about my life and my thoughts

Friday, December 03, 2004

Feeling Happy and Nauseated At the Same Time

I just got an email from the Hong Kong schools recruiter in Canada this morning. Attached to that email are Immigration Forms. About 15 pages worth. I fill that in, send my diploma copy, transcripts, recommendation letters, throw in a few photos, and sign the contract, and then I will wait to see if I have a job in Hong Kong for next year. Simple. Right.

I will be getting the contract tomorrow and I am anxious to see what exactly this contract will stipulate. How much of a pay cut will I be taking? What will I be expected to do?

The one thing I found out today as a definite is that I will be traveling alone. Sadly, Miss Kitty will be unable to make the journey with me. I'll have to find a decent home for her before I take off, naturally.

I've been reading this other blog that just blows me away everytime I read it. It's called Everyday Stranger, and follows the life of a 30 year old woman who has just had such a full life in such a short time. She's had this heartbreaking and amazing relationship with this guy, been married twice, lived in Sweden and now she is living in England. She just seems like such an emotionally strong woman, and she's just a wow to read.

In any case, she says because of this childrens' book she read a long time ago, she looks at her one long life as a series of smaller lives. She says she is up to Life 5 and she's worried cause she is only 30 and almost halfway done with them.

So far, these are the "lives" I've had, but actually, now that i think of it, I'd rather look at them as chapters from a book that will continue to write itself out, and possibly do some revision along the way. It makes for a less morbid take on life, especially considering I'll be moving on to Life 7 of 9 soon, and I'm not even 30 yet!):

1. Childhood up until age 10 or so -- I really don't remember much about it. I was a solitary kid, I liked to read and watch TV. I hung out more with my elderly neighbors than the kids (all two or so of them) that lived on my street. I might have been picked on a lot, but well, whatever.

2. Childhood from 10 to age 14 -- This is where things got messy. My parents divorced after pretending for years they were getting along OK. Dad moved in his 23 year old girlfriend and her son in to the same house my brother and mom and I were staying in. I'm not ever going to be sure what any responsible adult was thinking would be best for the kids involved, but almost 20 years later, I can safely say I don't think that was the best option. I spent a lot of time with my mom then, who was not only sick, but sad. Looking back on that, I don't think that was so good for me then, either, and may have colored my views on relationships ever since. But who knows?

Also went through the required I'm fat, have bad glasses and acne phase. Boy was I ever glad to get out of that time of life and into high school.

3. High school from the ages 14 to 18 -- Thought I was going to be this hot shot writer. Teachers loved me, I had made lots of good close friends (though from another school) and was so looking forward to getting out of my small minded large town that considered itself a small city. I only managed to travel an hour away though.

4. College -- Regrettably, this was not the time I had my major experimentation phase. I still haven't had it. I'm imagining that will happen one day when I am 45 years old, I will decide to finally smoke some pot, take some acid, and fling like crazy with guys *just* out of college. But for the time being, an embargo has been placed on me dating guys just out of college. Whenever I go to a club now, I silently chant to myself "Put the Pop-Tart back in the box!" whenever I see a cute guy that looks about my age. The thing is...I don't look my age, so you can see the problems I might constantly run into.

(But I digress....)

I made friends in college, and it was at this time I realized how strange or different my life had become. Before I met my high school friends, I was really content to do stuff on my own, or maybe felt resigned to it, and then when I made friends in high school, it was great to hang out with the same group of people week after week. We'd fight, we'd get over it. People would date and break up within the group, we got over it. In university, I really missed that, and it seemed everyone else did too, hence the mass excursions to the convenience store or to the dining hall, or to do laundry.

Anyways, I decided around my junior year that MAYBE journalism wasn't it for me, but went for the degree in it anyways, had a humongous fight with a close friend of mine that damaged the friendship for good, and fell in love for the first (and as it stands now, only) time. My relationship with my friend, well I did apologize to her, or maybe more to my style, after a long long loooooong lengthy absence, I sent her an email just asing how she was, and we wrote for a bit, but we soon drifted apart again.

In high school and in college, I guess I was just too focused on getting out and proving myself in The Real World to have much of a social life. But I had fun in high school and for the most part in college, too.

5. Move to Washington One Year After University -- This has to be the stupidest thing I have ever done in my life. I took a job at a newspaper, when I wasn't sure I'd like journalism. The newspaper I decided to write for (well, I didn't decide, they were the only ones to hire me) was a haven for ultra-mega-super-conservatives, people who probably think George Bush is too liberal on some things. It was hell. I sold my soul for two years at that job. I also let the relationship I had with my boyfriend at the time just go on and on and on when it really should have ended well before the 10 months apart mark. Ugh. Oh well, live and learn.

The one good thing about living in D.C. was that I met a good friend of mine there. Stephanie and I were different in every way possible, she was from the small-town South, I liked to picture myself a Yankee city girl, she practiced Christianity, and I couldn't be bothered with formal religion, she was polite and I was known to want to put my foot in my mouth on many occasions.

Actually the other good thing was that after the boyfriend and I broke up, we managed to get back on speaking terms for a bit, and we still keep in touch to this day.

6. Life in Korea -- Well, after Washington DC, after September 11, after realizing I was single for the first time in almost 3 years, I decided to take a chance on teaching and living abroad, something I ad always wanted to do, though I think when I was younger, I had visions of Paris dancing in my head, not a small town in Southern South Korea. I still feel too close to this experience to really comment on it. What did these three years in Korea shape me into? I think I am only going to know that when I finally return to the States for good. But that won't happen for about another two years as I am ready to finish writing this chapter and close the book on this life and move on, hopefully to Hong Kong.

I'm just hoping Chapter 7 will be a good one.