Pulled In Many Directions

Not-so-daily rambings about my life and my thoughts

Friday, December 17, 2004

Is There a Point to My Blog? No.

I don't want to sound too New-Agey here, but I was reading on a newsgroup I belong to that someone said that people of my personality type (and that's ENFP, by the way) should NOT keep journals. ENFPs are supposedly the most emotionally sensitive of the bunch which means that when we are happy and upbeat, we are busy (not blogging or writing), and that when we are down and upset, while we want to write it all out, it backfires in the end, as when we come back to it, we relive the pain like we were going through it the first time.

Wow, that's sensitive.

I am one who is more likely to write when things are going wrong, and I can see the pros and cons of that. Pro: You get something off your chest. Con: Is a crap day really something you want to remember in the first place? My family and my friends can read this if they know the address, so maybe I do tend to censor myself just a tad in here. I can understand up to a point, venting your frustrations with a lousy day on a napkin or envelope while you ride the bus home, but is that really worthy of posterity? Would you want to save that to read 5 years later, anyways?

I've always been someone who kept a journal in some way or another. I did it more often in middle school than I did as an adult. Unfortunately, the middle school journals are lost to the world, and if I ever become famous one day, then they'll be sure to resurface in all their pimply insecure glory, but I think I lost them in some move or something.

I don't think if I read those journals I'd be upset all over again. I really think I'd die laughing. What I thought were the most important things since I was 14, surely I have changed since then? Maybe I will cry if I realize that no, sadly, I haven't. I can also see that no matter how much I write about the relationship I had with my mom, or the latest clusterfuck that was a romantic relationship, maybe writing things down doesn't makes things better in the long run. You have to be willing to devote a lot of time, energy and attention to the matter in order to fully appreciate and understand it. A one off entry won't help things much in the present.

I wonder now what the point of all of this is now, though, as this is like a public journal. What is the point of writing your feelings down about an event or a person? Is it to vent in the present or is it to hold on to it for a few years and see how you have grown and changed as a person, hopefully? Is there any real point besides satisfying some kind of vanity we all possess (especially those who blog publicly) to keep a journal?

I'd like to save these entries somehow for anyone younger than me in my family, I guess, like maybe my step-sister or later my nephew can read about my experiences in Hong Kong, but I have a feeling there will be a lot more of the personal in here, and not some travelogue about Hong Kong. They'll know more about me, and not maybe so much about where I lived, but how I felt there.

But at the end of the day, I think I am doing this mainly for myself, just to get everything out that I can't to a dear friend. If you're reading this, thank you for coming along for the ride.