Pulled In Many Directions

Not-so-daily rambings about my life and my thoughts

Friday, December 24, 2004

My Brother

There's a picture I have, taken many years ago, of my brother and I hugging for the camera and modeling identical Juicy Juice T-shirts we had got for Christmas. In my mind's eye, it's a really sweet picture of a brother and sister who are getting along really well, excited about their presents. Something tells me though, that the picture may be the result of a gentle (or maybe not so gentle) coersion to be nice to each other for just 5 seconds for the camera.

My brother and I are completely the opposite from one another. He's loud and outgoing, popular, handsome, tall, always good at whatever he tried, never worrying about what anyone else thought about him. I was short, pimply, nerdyBack when we attended the same school, with him trailing me only by a year, no one could believe we were related. To his teachers, he was "my brother" to all the school kids, I was always asked if I was "Matt's sister," and they could never manage to hide their disbelief.

It was hard to live in my brother's shadow, because when you are 10, 11, 12...OK, in school, which would you rather be? Popular or smart? Exactly! The differences we had between us weren't really a big deal, until we got to high school, where they then began to chafe against each other, leaving both of us emotionally raw and sore with each other constantly. We couldn't be in the same room as each other.

Anyways, I called him today because his ex-wife told me he wanted to talk to me. So we chatted for 15 minutes, and things seemed to go well. Not sure if there's this feeling still of being cordial cause you have to, but we were able to talk about each other's lives without any judgment. I'm not even sure if he ever will come visit me, and when he does, I know I'll be worried about how we'll deal with each other when he is around me all the time, but it would be nice for a family member to come out and visit me. I guess if he's family, I'm stuck with him.