Pulled In Many Directions

Not-so-daily rambings about my life and my thoughts

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Whining About Whining (Part 2)

There is nothing quite like not speaking to a friend for awhile, not in the deliberate sense, but just because, and then having her break the silence with not "Hi, how are you?" or "How was your last weekend," but a bitch fest on how her school sucks and how her Internet friends are out to get her, among other things undoubtedly.

Her school told her they wouldn't allow her to leave school early so she could finalize plans for her trip this holiday. That does suck. I sympathize with her there, but when I told her she could do some of the stuff on the weekend, she focused on the fact that she couldn't do the other stuff then.

How hard it is to say "Um, I paid 500,000 won for this plane ticket and like hell am I going to not use it?" In politer terms of course.

I know what it's like to open a Howler now and she wasn't even mad at me.

What is it about me that sends her to me to only complain, or whine or whatever? And yes, I feel like a real shit brick saying so. We are so different when it comes to problem-solving. If I feel bad, I might talk to my friends, but I am in the "advice is sought only to reconfirm an existing decision" camp. And so if I am in a bitchy mood, then I want to be able to fix my problem. If someone reassures me that things will be OK, I want to be able to at least understand they are on my side. She has this annoying habit of saying "maybe" to almost everything that has to do with making a decision about herself. Maybe she needs to talk to someone professionally, maybe she will look for a new job, even if she is unhappy with the current one, maybe things will work out with her friend she is on the outs with at the moment, maybe she shouldn't settle for this lame guy who doesn't treat her well. "But we're not boyfriend/girlfriend, so it's OK," she says. If she chose to do one thing or the other, I wouldn't judge it., but it's like she is sitting on the fence, hates sitting there, but won't get up. It's almost like she's saying "But I don't want to give up my sadness."

I know I have friends whom I have complained to, and there are times when I don't say Hi or hello, but make this dramatic entrance into a conversation. It's not the complaining part I mind so much. It's just that with a friendship, you should be privy to the good times and the bad times, and when there is nothing but bad times (and shit does happen to everyone, and I may use this blog to dump out my shit to you all, giving you a skewed view on my life) it just sucks. It sucks.

I don't know what to do. I should follow my own advice, and realize I could leave the friendship. It's weird to break off a friendship though. I wonder if the passage of time and moving away will ease her out? (Doesn't that sound horrible? I hate this!)

And she was the one who said I was cold earlier, again in the way where I didn't let stuff get to me. Maybe I am. I remember having friends in high school and we were all different and we could handle those differences, even light-heartedly make fun of them. I was a drama queen. One friend was anal, another one a sex pot, another one fat, and another one was out in her own orbit. But we all loved and supported each other. We had bitch-fests, but we also had fun. And I think that is what is missing from this picture right now. The fun with her.