Pulled In Many Directions

Not-so-daily rambings about my life and my thoughts

Sunday, January 30, 2005

He's Just Not That Into You: Truth or Humbug?

Oh yeah, while in Singapore I apparently joined a cult.

I admit it. I had been intrigued by this book for ages since I saw it profiled on Oprah a few months ago. And while part of me was skeptical about the hubbub caused by a line uttered by a guy who then proceeded to break up with Carrie via a Post-It, I caved in while in Singapore and bought the book. (Hey, I need light fluffy reading for the airplane!)

Basically, the gist of the book is this: a guy who really likes a woman and sees the relationship as going somewhere is going to move mountains, stop locomotives and leap tall buildings in a single bound just to be with her and let her know she is appreciated. If he doesn't...well, you know the line.

When I read the book, a lot of it made sense. It's so funny though, that the stuff we constantly tell our girlfriends, has to be drilled in so hard into our own heads. We constantly make excuses for ourselves and for the guy we are with, the one who had made us so happy in the past. I totally now at this moment see that a guy who changes his behavior on me is silently hoping I will take the hint. I can now prepare myself to really listen to a guy and see what he really is seeking from me. (I just hope I can when I am in my next relationship!)

There has been some controversy with the book, though. Some people have called it "The Rules repackaged" as it is saying do nothing, play it cool, and Mr. Right will do everything in his power to keep you around.

But I am really hard pressed to get my head around the whole "Wait for him to call you and don't make him feel he has to call you" thing. Is he really saying that if I see a cool guy I can approach him, but have to tap dance around the notion of wanting to see him again?

I'm just asking this cause a number of guys have said to me "You know, it's the girls who control the relationship." So...we do but we don't? We do, but we shouldn't? Who is right here? If it's both, then how?

But I really appreciate the tone of the book, where it is saying the kind of relationship I want, where the guy is unafraid to say "This is my girlfriend" (and sadly it seems like such a novel idea here) and the one who'd like to do stupid romantic gestures for me (as I am a sucker for things like that) is the one I absolutely, unequivocally have to go out for and find...but I guess not find so obviously. There should be no waiting around to see if he'll warm up to me, or what have you. There should be no waiting around to see if things will get better, cause most likely, they won't. I can not settle for someone who doesn't want to see me all the time, and doesn't want to talk to me often.

It also basically said that the romantic comedy movies that women have been told "are just movies and not real life," are the kind of lives women need to strive for. Well, maybe not Pretty Woman.

Anyways, I think I will keep this book around for when I enter into my next relationship. I have a friend in Hong Kong who also has her own copy. If I later lapse into making excuses for the dumb boy, maybe she'll be glad to hit me over the head with said book.

Anyone else read the book? What do you think? Truth or Humbug?