Pulled In Many Directions

Not-so-daily rambings about my life and my thoughts

Monday, October 31, 2005


And then in the immortal words of Forrest Gump:

"That's all I got to say about that."

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Silly Video Alert

I was just surfing and saw this and had to share!

Yeow! (I Mean Yao!)

PIMD: A Look Back

It's been about a year since I first started blogging. (OK, maybe like 49 weeks) I've been thinking about my life now and how it compares to how it was when I was living in Korea. I have to say it was not a nice time for me then. I was feeling alone sometimes, and still smarting from a breakup. I was still trying to figure out my voice for the blog -- would I write only for myself or for a perceived audience? Would it be snarky and bitchy, could I hide behind what I thought was the vastness of the Internet and just bitch out about anyone and everything to my hearts content?

The answer to that, I soon found out was no. And I have to say those developments (not that I wasn't at all to blame) have influenced my postings since then, maybe for the worse, as there are some things I would like to go on about, but can not for fear of the "wrong" person reading this. This is not a private diary after all. But maybe sometimes I think the fallout influenced my future actions for the better, as I'm aware that writing something out could make a trivial matter seem like a nuclear war starting up, and some things are better off written down in a notebook and then maybe burned.

I remember my ex spitting at me via an email earlier this year saying that I need to find some guy friends so I could better understand how they act. I should have known he wasn't interested in me -- if I had the guy friends, I would have known, he said. It was a pretty weak thing to say (OK, so maybe I haven't quite learned Lesson 1 so well yet) but I have made some. And they seem all nice and normal. Really cool, and yes, I think it is natural to be tempted to want to put my toe over the line and be a bit sad they all have great girlfriends. But anyways, I really value the friendships I have made with them and I think the main lesson I have learned is not to just find some guy friends, but to just find some friends who treat me well, who are interested in me as a person and who like to have fun.

And through the therapy I went through, I'm really trying to be more accepting of other people and the way they live their lives. Don't tread on me and I will do the same. I'm trying to let things flow through their natural course, the one the Fates have set out for me, instead of (in the past) going out with every guy who asks me and then getting it on with every guy I date. (It's not as often as it sounds, lest I sound trampy.) I'm starting to think that I have valid experiences and opinions that I can share with my friends, and that includes the fact my mom died a couple years ago. (Still don't know when it'd be appropriate to drop into the conversation "Oh yeah and my dad, mom and his girlfriend and her son all lived together under the same roof" but that is for another time, I guess.)

I am and I always will be a work in progress.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Things I Have Learned From My iPod

  • Blur has done some really catchy stuff in their time.
  • I'm not really all that interested in the Beatles early stuff as a collective whole anymore. 1965 onward though is damn cool.
  • The last bit of Abbey Road, the one with all the songs which individually last about 1 minute and change each do not work as well on their own as they do as a collective whole.
  • Pearl Jam also have written some catchy stuff.
  • I also love Paul Westerberg. As a Replacement and on his own. (Damn, I should see if my DVD shop has Singles. That was a pretty cool video in its day, and also had bit parts with Eddie Vedder and Chris Cornell. I think they were members of Citizen Dick. Not too sure, but I remember the one scene with Matt Dillon's character showing off his new stereo system to Chris Cornell, and the volume ended up breaking his car windows...)
  • Dare To Be Surprised by The Folk Implosion is a pretty kickin' album.

I am missing my old cassette collection, where I had Definitely Maybe by Oasis and Matthew Sweet's Girlfriend album, and Gin Blossoms' "New Miserable Experience" album. I also want to get some early R.E.M. Murmur, Fables of The Reconstruction, Green. I like Out of Time and Document fine, but not so much from New Adventures in Hi-Fi. Oh well.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Hello Stranger!

I just received a letter from my brother. I have not heard from him in a few months; the time before that must have been during my mother's funeral. I might have wrote of our relationship before, how rocky our relationship growing up had been, how we just kind of drifted apart, how I decided that maybe our relationship was better the further away we were from each other.

In his letter to me, he sent a picture of his son, Seven, who must now be about seven now. And I had a teary moment, realizing that while I am teaching kids about my nephew's age and raving about how cool *they* all are, I really do not know my nephew and I am afraid he will grow up not really knowing who I am. The last time I was home, about two years ago, he didn't know who I was. He kept shouting "Hey Lady!" to get my attention.

I sometimes wonder how our family relationships would be if we weren't so far away from each other. I do wish sometimes that the friends and family I have back home could somehow afford to visit me just once, but at least most of them don't make it out to be that I have a million dollars at my own disposal and can see them no problem. I guess it all sort itself out when it needs to be sorted.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

I Need To Know...

Why is it such a pain in the ass for me to get online? The cable company, whose Internet I go through has been telling me for the past week that there is something wrong with the building connection, nothing wrong with my computer. The security guard downstairs tells me he has heard of no other complaints. I'm online now using a very unreliable wireless connection. But that comes and goes and it's not very stable. When I use my LAN connection, the dialogue box tells me x number of packets are being sent, but none are being received and that there is a problem connecting to the default gateway. What the hell does that all mean?

I wonder and I want someone to be honest with me, as the lovely cable people think telling me my computer's shit would cause me to take it personally. With what I have said above, is it my connection's fault, or my computer's? I don't mind coming in to have my computer fixed. I just wish people would be honest with me and not patronize my feelings.

Saturday, October 22, 2005

So Here's a Question

And it's a bit flip but here goes:

Which drug do you think helped produce better music? Heroin or LSD? You just got to think who ehm, made the drug more famous (notorious? Infamous?) and leave your comments here. Think of the Beatles and Doors, Nirvana...I'm sure you can think of other instances.


Yes, this thought randomly crossed my mind one lazy afternoon of not working.

Monday, October 17, 2005

Happy (Early) Birthday To Me!

And to celebrate, I splurged, caught up with the rest of my peers enjoying themselves in the 21st century, and bought an iPod. I have a feeling it's going to be a late night for me!

Monday, October 10, 2005

Check This Out

I've been spending a lot of quality time with the John Mellencamp CD I bought earlier. My Sims are even starting to feel neglected! (Actually, that's not possible, but imagine if it were. Freaky!)

The CD came with a DVD of 5 videos: Crumblin' Down, R.O.C.K. in the U.S.A., Rain on the Scarecrow, a live version of Check It Out, and Key West Intermezzo (I Saw You First). I am really happy to see to see these videos, and I especially like the Check It Out video. (With it being a live show, you can see how his concerts might have gone. And I actually think he looks rather hot in this video as well, which I'm kind of embarrassed to say, cause the guy's never wanted to be no pop singer, you know, and he's hardly ever been a poster boy. But he still looks good.

I wish there had been more videos though! Pink Houses, a great song with cheerleaders toward the end doing their thing and wearing "JC" sweaters. That cracks me up! And I like how the lyrics have a bit more to them than the average politician looking for a catchy theme song would know about. The song got the same fate as Springsteen's "Born in the U.S.A.": Sure he sings "Ain't that America, it's something to see" and that it's the "home of the free," but anyone who just listens to the whole thing can see that it's about people living in radically different economic divisions within the same country that is supposed to take care of all the people that live there. That's just my interpretation of it anyways.

Hurts So Good: John Cougar in a diner with a bunch of biker boys hanging out. The Authority Song: John (Cougar) Mellencamp in a boxing ring. And I think this one may take a while to explain so go fix yourself a snack and then come back, OK?

I think he's only singing but there may be a few shots of him getting the snot beaten out of him. And in the video there is a boy who idolizes him but is told by all the adults around him "Hell, you KNOW you can do better than that!" My two favorite parts: The part after the instrumental break, where John's coming in with "I said Oh no! (no no!)" and the boy is shown in all these adult uniforms, a police officer's uniform, a business suit, etc. and he has this look on his face like he is not impressed. Then at the end of the video, the boy's walking away from the ring and all the adults looked pleased with him and themselves, until the boy shoves up his sleeves with this defiant grin on his face (Who knew making your short sleeved shirt sleeveless was an act of rebellion?) and the adult group have themselves some calves.

Also that song has one of the best lines in rock I have ever heard sung:

I called my preacher and said 'Give me strength for Round 5.'
He said 'You don't need no strength, you need to grow up, son!'
I said 'Growing up leads to growing old, then dying.
And dying to me don't sound like all that much fun!'

Maybe they'll eventually come out with a video collection of all his songs, and when they do, I know I will be first in line!

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Consolation Prize

Ice cream for me today!

I wish I had thought of this incentive sooner; I'd probably have asked out a lot more guys by now. Heh.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Yesterday Was A Good Day

And I didn't have to use my AK.


Just kidding.

Last night, in order:

I bought John Mellencamp's Greatest Hits CD, a 2 CD set full of every song I absolutely love by him and a few I'm not sure I've heard before, but whatever. I'm really happy I own this. Ecstatic. I could go on about this guy. He's just a very real, no-bullshit artist, (like Tom Petty) constantly reinventing himself (like Neil Young...hey those are two other musicians I really like!) and I am literally stoked I can now listen to him over and over and over.

Then my therapist and I agreed I do not need to regularly see her any more! Only if something major comes up, and hey, she's fair. Why spend the money on her having small talk when I could use it to buy 9 John Mellencamp CDs?

And then at quiz night. We tied for first. And I like Heineken. And guess what was the special beer of the month there? Why, yes, I think I had 4 or 5 of those lovely green bottles. And really unrelated to that, cause I noticed him waaaay before drinking, there was this really hot guy sitting in back of my friend, and I happily realized that I am not dead after all. He left early! (Someone should have let the cute guy in on my plan!) And like a stupid 5th grader I gave his friend my number telling him to call me. Drunkenly making a joke, I told the guy he could call me too if he wanted. Ha ha ha. What a loser I can be.

If I don't hear from Mr. Cute (cause I never got the guy's name!) my friend promised me ice cream on Sunday. Ha.

So all in all a pretty good night, and I'm not feeling too rotten today either.