Pulled In Many Directions

Not-so-daily rambings about my life and my thoughts

Saturday, December 31, 2005

Going Out In Style...

I hope this headache I'm having is cause I drank 2 Bacardi Breezers and 2 Heinekens, and has nothing to do with this sore throat that seems to be developing, but if not, it looks like I will be bringing back (along with everything else) some kind of cold with me to Hong Kong.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Time Flies...

I'm actually enjoying myself here, and what with the losing track of time, I've just surprised myself as I remembed that I basically only have the tail end of today, tomorrow and the next day before I have to fly back to Hong Kong and start working again. I guess that'll be good as shortly thereafter, I will be receiving what's becoming a sorely needed paycheck. (Damn DVDs!)

Today I decided as more of a "What else is there to do around here?" sort of thing to sign up for a tour of the island and see what's what. It went all right. There were just the 4 of us: Two Israeli men and one American girl who is on holiday from her job in Korea (It's a small world after all! It's a small small world!) and we first went to a temple where they had a fortune telling machine (how divine, I know!) where you drop in a 10 baht coin and wait for the light to settle on a number. Then you go and read the corresponding fortune. Well, my number happened to be 14, a bad deal in Chinese culture, and this was a Chinese style Buddhist temple. So the fortune warned me of unfortunate coincidences befalling me and having a troublesome partner and basically being in the midst of bad luck. Basically anything that could go wrong was a part of this fortune. I made myself feel better telling myself it was only a random generation of a number from a machine.

We also went to a viewpoint to look at the ocean, and a waterfall (which was nice) and something called Grandmother and Grandfather Rock and another temple (where I forgot to see if I could trade up my fortune). Then we were told we would have to pay like 250 baht extra for a monkey show, and none of us wanted to do it. Also extra (but not revealed to us before) was a tiger show. None of us decided to stay for that. So we went to Nathon and ate a nice lunch. The Israelis were tired and bowed out of the tour early and so the other American girl and I went on our own to the grand finale of the tour: a stop at Tesco.

I kid you not.

I just wound up buying some much needed mouthwash and some dried pumpkin seeds. I'm lucky that by living in Hong Kong I really am not wanting (unfortunately) for any Western-style food.

Anyways at the end of the tour, the girl and I exchanged emails. Maybe we'll meet up later. Who knows. Could be all right. I guess later tonight I'll grab dinner somewhere and then see if there are any good movies playing around. I know, I am a real wild one for sure!

But I am having fun and I think one person's bungee jumping extravaganza vacation is another's "let me catch up on my correspondence" vacation. As long as you enjoy yourself and relax, ya know?

Monday, December 26, 2005

Something To Get Off My Chest

No matter what, I think I am always going to have those well-meaning friends who want me to change my haircut (even though I already did) want me to wear a new shade of eyeshadow (even though they won't do it themselves) or somehow think of some way to vastly improve me, like wearing some lip gloss is the only thing that stands between me and a line of guys falling at my feet and I am wasting an opportunity by ignoring it.

I really don't know why I seem to have this sign all around me, to be the recipient of unwanted (really!) fashion and makeup advice, but I wish I knew of a nice way to get my friends to lay off with the "helpful" hair makeup and fashion tips. I should get blonde highlights, I should make my hair look chunkier, I need to wear a certain color eyeshadow and wear more revealing tops. I know I shouldn't listen to it all, and of course I should only live a life that makes me happy, but one day I would like to submit myself to all the suggestions I have ever received in the past year and maybe my haphazard appearance (once explained) will stop the unsolicited advice.

It got old with me way back in junior high school (so that's at least 15 years of being seen as a constant renovation project) what with the being first rushed into the bathroom in the 8th grade to have my hair teased out into whatever the hell the cool girls had their hair shellacked into. And my theater director telling me in high school I needed to brush my hair more, get it out of my face (and I never thought I walked around like Kurt Cobain or Cousin It on a regular basis, maybe *just* after I got out of the shower) and maybe I was afraid of my sexuality, as she put it. Even though I think they do mean well, and I just might be taking it a bit to heart too much, why the hell do these people care so much?

I'd like to have a stylist sure, but this person would HAVE TO be someone who would recognize that a makeover shouldn't be looked at as a radical change, but as an improvement on an already pretty good product. You don't make sushi from Vanilla Coke after all. I was reading In Her Shoes by Jennifer Weiner and she had one of her characters start a personal shopping business. How she got a feel for her clients' style was to ask them what their favorite piece of clothing is. They may not be flashy, but I actually have quite a few pieces of clothing that make me feel good. Not in an "I'm going to take on the world!" sort of way, but in an "I'm a pretty cool down-to-earth person" sort of way.

Mine are my black "soccer style" shirt with the three white stripes down the sleeves cause it's pretty cool looking and comfy. I loooove my black turtleneck as I feel artsy (ha ha) when I wear it and it makes my hair and my face stand out. (It's black.) I love anything I own that is sleeveless cause while not all that toned, it's the one part of my body that I can not say is in dire need of losing weight. I like my arms, yes! I have said it! I like my sleeveless blue top from Esprit cause it's clingy but not in a bad way. I love my Mandarin-style navy blue vest from Ann Taylor cause I got it in a thrift store.

I also like my shirt that has a map of the world on it with labels of "American" "Asian" "African" and so on and then in larger orange letters the word "me" in the center. I like the subtle political statement I think this shirt has (most likely) unintentionally made. It's the same kind of thinking that goes to the center of why I hate my well-meaning friends saying "You should try..." I just want to be known as me, and I really don't want to be in a place where I am me, but now a me who feels she is hopeless cause the frickin eyeliner has and always will go on too crooked. I don't want to be this friend's version of New and Improved Me or that friend's version of Better Kate. I just don't want to be seen as a guinea pig at all.

I like my tan pants with the cargo style pockets, but I really like my army green pants I broke down and bought from Marks and Spencer cause they have false pockets and real pockets on an angle and I have to wear a belt with them. I like my skirt that while a bit too long for these short legs has a really cool looking batik pattern on it in varying shades of blue. I bought it in Thailand last time I was there. I like my platform sandals cause they give me height and they are pretty funky looking, even if I do say so myself. I love my Converse All Stars, black cause they go with anything I wear, and very simple and classic. I am a Chucks loyalist. I can't imagine wearing any other kind of shoe. I started buying them at university when I needed a shoe that was cheap, and I haven't looked back since. I like my Tevas cause they are pretty comfy and easy to get in and out of. It's the only Velcro shoe I will ever wear.

So I'm not sure what Maggie could do with that. Or even if I would want her to really do anything. I don't know how to tell the world via clothes or makeup that I absolutely love music, that I would do anything to have lunch with Bono, Thurston Moore, Bruce Springsteen and John Mellencamp, that I have a weird thing with spelling and punctuation, that I always have to get it right, that I love stupid chick flicks, that I have a quirky sense of humor, that I love people who inject non sequiturs into their conversations, that I hate to eat steak and could take or leave chocolate. That I can never see myself voting Republican and love to travel and want to see Europe and Australia before I die. That I love being by the ocean. I love its smell. That I cry easily during sappy-ass movies and hate that I do. I don't think any style of dress or any mascara is going to be able to convey any of those things. And with all that, me, regardless of the semi-designer style clothes behind the makeup mask, I should be seen as much more interesting and intelligent than the answers to the questions "Clinique or MAC? Esprit or Gap?"

Thank you for reading, maybe now I don't have to say any more about it.

The Things That I Carried

After I bought them and put them into my bag of course.

I just went crazy buying DVDs and perfume. And incense sets. And also a tablecloth thingy that the lady insists I could wear as a sarong. Sarong sounds a bit too much like "So wrong" here so I think it'll go on top of my table when I get home. I also in a weird case of there's nothing left for me to read, picked up a cheap copy of Thomas Hardy's Jude the Obscure. Always wanted to read it, just based on the title. Like the idea..well not like, but maybe identify with being obscure. I want to find a nice wrap skirt here as well.

The bikinis are also starting to appeal to me after seeing so many women wear the tops with a wrap and an "I don't care if it's all hanging off me, I need to get tan" attitude. Very refreshing to see, as even though I am much smaller than them, I know for a fact that they are more comfortable with themselves than I am with me.

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Day Two...I Think

I hate how on vacation you lose track of time so easily. I wonder what it'd be like to be on a deserted island for a good stretch of time, how long would it take before all the days ran together with only periods of darkness in between.

Anyways yesterday was really good. I broke down and bought Spin and another copy of Mojo. Mojo I bought for the "free" Punk Music CD. (That's a good gimmick for music geeks but casual readers of the magazine like me!) Spin I bought for the article on Franz Ferdinand. Now, I am going to be really girly here but this is the first time I ever got a gander at these guys and not only is their music really good but they are pretty damn hot as well. They've got this whole moddish-cool thing going on with their style and it suits them -- ha ha I made an unintentional pun.

I lazed around the beach with Mark and Sabrina but had to duck out early as my right side was getting a bit crispy. I went back to the house and applied sunscreen but I did it too late. It became less of a preventative measure and more of a remedial measure as my arm (yes, just the one) is now really really pink and a bit sore. And I know it'll soon fade into the off-white color I know and while not love, am quite familiar with, as I do not tan at all.

Then Mark and Sabrina and I went out for dinner where I had a really nice Thai beef salad and Tom Yum Goon, a soup I had heard a lot about but not too much, apparently, as when it arrived I was surprised to see its clear color and not this browny-orange coconut milk infused soup I had in my head. (I wonder what soup it is that I am thinking of....) I also drank a glass of Tiger Beer which is *not* a good idea when you have both a bowl and a plate of fire sitting in front of you. Yeow. I promptly switched to a nice coconut milkshake that helped me cool my mouth down quite a bit.

Then Mark and Sabrina stayed for this movie about soccer which I just couldn't get into. So I went back and read my magazines and listened to my iPod and waited for the movie to finish so we could all go out into town clubbing.

We had a great time. It's really funny; I had like 5 drinks throughout the night and woke up feeling only a bit rough around the edges. We first went to this beach barbeque thingy sponsored by some beachside restaurant, and Mark and Sabrina bought some Santa hats and glow-stick glasses to party in. I don't know why I didn't but I kind of am regretting it now. At midnight the DJ played the original version -- thank God -- of "Do They Know It's Christmas? (Feed The World)" and we all sang along quite loudly I might add. We stayed out until 3 in the morning, and as we were dancing outside in I guess the courtyard of the Green Mango, the sky opened up and lots remained outside (including us) dancing in the rain. It was really quite fun, though very cold. The grandma that's slowly starting to emerge in me was worried I would catch a cold. But I woke up fine. (It must have been all the alcohol I drank.)

This morning I played the Christmas songs I had stored on my iPod and got put into some kind of melancholy mood for a bit. Because I am thinking "Wow, what an amazing Christmas holiday I am having here" and realizing that last year at about this time, there must have been others like me, young, away from their families and with their friends, thinking the same think as they vacationed on Phuket and Phi Phi Island and then the tsunami hit and they lost their lives. There's a foundation asking for donations here where you give money and then you get a sticker to remember Tsunami Day. I might get one of those later, but I guess I wish the focus was more on the victims and their families themselves and less on the tsunami itself.

Anyways I don't want to leave on a really depressing note, so I will say if you are reading this I hope you have a really nice holiday no matter how you are spending it and to take a little time to remember the tsunami and Hurricane Katrina survivors as well.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year (but more on that day -- and night -- later!)

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Koh Samui

Am enjoying myself here for the next few days. Haven't taken any pictures yet but everything's been going well. Got a really nice though a bit odd massage yesterday evening (where after I felt a bit like a pretzel!) and have been enjoying the company of two good close friends of mine. There's a book shop here with a lot of music magazines I have not read in ages (Spin, Rolling Stone, AP) and we'll see what I buy as my stay here continues. I've got a place but am paying on basically a day to day basis. Wouldn't want to forfeit a room (even if it only has cold water running...brrrrrr!) for the sake of knowing more about Franz Ferdinand.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

And Yet Again, Another Part of My Childhood Dies...

Twice now, I have been told I had to amend a lesson I was going to give to my students because it was too dangerous. One being making a suncatcher using a hot iron to melt crayon shavings between wax paper, I can now understand, even if I was absolutely going to be the only one to use and touch the iron. Another time, I was told that my studemts could not try eating raw vegetables, they had to be cooked. The parents would complain, blah blah blah.

Now I hear my school is freely telling their 4 year olds that the Santa Claus that will visit them will be a teacher at the school. It was bad enough that my coteacher asked my 5 year olds who they thought would be Santa (and they all guessed me), but one outright said to her 4 year olds that a male teacher who works at the school will be Santa. I wasn't that much older when I started to figure it out for myself that something was up, but I remember wanting to hold onto the idea of Santa. Later when I realized for a fact it was my mother, I was sad, but I think I was mainly sad for a small part of my childhood dying then.

Anyways, it might just be a cultural thing, where Buddhist children, what do they have to lose knowing that Santa doesn't exist, but the American child in me still wishes a little that the Chinese teachers could have used this time to spark some wonder and imagination into their students' hearts at this time.

Monday, December 19, 2005


In three days time at this time, I will be on my way to the airport, to take a nice vacation with some good friends in Thailand!

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Tales from the IPod Part 2

Songs 11 through 25:

Country House Blur -- "He lives in a house! A very big house in the countraaaaaaay! Watching afternoon repeats and the food he eats in the countraaaaaaaaaaay!" I love how Damon Albarn sings this. And the horns! But what does "jackanory" mean?
Charmless Man Blur -- Another one with fun senseless lyrics to sing: "Na na na na na na na na na! Na na na na na na na na na!" In a falsetto-like naggy sound no less.
Insinuation The Folk Implosion -- Lou Barlow isn't known for his happy happy music, though songs like "Ocean" from Sebadoh sounded poppy while not being lyrically poppy at all. I love how dark and brooding this song is. Insinuation really makes it happen...In your opinion is a nice surprise..." The drum beats and the bass guitar really set the mood.
Fall Into November The Folk Implosion -- Love the sing-song guitars and lyrics "Rooad, road around the moat, the moat around the rock, the moat around the rock around the castle...winter summer into fall, spring summer into fall into November." Something like that. It's what I sing anyways hearing this.
Now More Than Ever John Mellencamp -- I don't know why this song is played as much as it is, either. I really like Small Town quite a bit, but it can't be found yet on here. It is a pretty strong song. I think I just like the guitar riffs.
Daydream Believer The Monkees -- OK, say what you will about the Monkees. So you'd be more likely to hear this song in K-Mart over the Muzak than you would "Pleasant Valley Sunday!" But this is a really happy song for me. I have a memory of me being at my uncle's house and I might have been about 11 or 12 and singing this song thinking I was alone in the living room, when my cousin walks in and helps me complete the chorus. It was kind of embarrassing but also cool at the same time. I mean, how can anyone not sing along to the chorus?
Drain You Nirvana -- Lots of great lyrics here: "I don't care what you think unless it is about me!" "Chew meat for you, pass it back and forth, in a passionate kiss, from my mouth to yours cause I like you!" Yeah that's kind of gross, but still pretty cool.
Shady Lane Pavement --I like how utterly laid-back this song is. A lot of reviewers when this album first came out compared this to a generic song by the Kinks, who seemed to like to write a lot about living suburban life. And while I don't know much about the Kinks and their back catalog, I do know that Blur's songs have also been compared to the Kinks. And then I like the line "You've been chosen as an extra in the movie adaptation to the sequel to your life." Embassy Row Pavement -- I love this song cause it's so anti-laid back. I love Stephen Malkmus screaming "In a nether world of foreign feeds" over and over in this. I love the "I need get born, I need to get dead, I'm sick of the forms I'm sick of being misread, by men in dashikis and their leftist weeklies, colonized wrath, their shining new path..." bit. I love the "Don't forget your manners when the anthem's played" bit. It reminds me of living in Washington D.C. for a stretch and being an expat all at the same time.
Rearviewmirror Pearl Jam -- A song supposedly about suicide. I guess I have always looked at it as an anti-suicide song, where maybe he is looking back on his life and decides things aren't so bad after all. Of course, this is coming from the band that wrote a three part epic piece about a boy who becomes a serial killer from the sexual abuse that comes from his mother who misses her husband, whom the boy has grown up to look like, so what do I really know. Anyways, I like the guitar lines in this song.
Cecilia Ann Pixies -- This apparently is a cover of an old surf-style song. It's an instrumental but really interesting. I love how the Pixies sounded. They had a really good rhythm section in David Lovering and Kim Deal, who I really wanted to be like in high school one day.
Drama Mine Sebadoh -- I love the guitar intro in this song, an the guitar breaks with the "She's pretty crazy to me!" bit.
Mary Jane's Last Dance Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers -- It's all about the "Oh my my, oh hell yes!" part here. I can only imagine some Southern bar livening up when someone plays this on the jukebox.
Beautiful Day U2 -- This song has lifted me up from some pretty dark times in the past. I'm not at all a Christian, but I do believe in God, and I really appreciate the Biblical references in this song, about how you can lose everything but still have you need to live. "What you don't have you don't need it now, what you don't know you can feel it somehow..."
Where The Streets Have No Name U2 -- When I was younger I was fairly restless felt unpopular and was a dreamer, thinking that somewhere there would have to be a perfect place where I would finally feel loved and accepted for who I was, and I would just have to keep moving on to eventually find it. I think right now, I have to eventually come to terms that I may just be a restless soul, someone who may just not feel comfortable in one place for very long. Far from being the perfect place, this song also reminds me of Korea, as none of the streets have any names. So for a time, I felt it was pretty ironic that these two ideas were together, Korea without its street names and Bono thinking that a place with no street names was like an idyllic Utopia, a place that really doesn't exist.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

More Tales From the iPod

Maybe I will make this a monthly feature of my blog. Ha, saying that makes it sound like I have a huge readership that would come to expect this sort of post on a monthly basis!

Lithium Nirvana -- I hear this song and all I can think of is Krist Novoselic, in the moment, throwing his bass guitar in the air and unsuccessfully trying to catch it. Had he been trying to catch it with his head, then it'd be successful, but who in their right mind does that.
Rain on the Scarecrow John Mellencamp -- I've always liked this song, even when I must have been about 9 or 10 years old and Scarecrow was relatively new.
Strange R.E.M. -- I don't know why this song is high up on my list. It's not even an R.E.M. song. I guess it's just one of those catchy beat and you can dance to it sort of things.
Rebound Sebadoh -- I love the strong and crunchy intro, and yeah can honestly say I identify a bit with the lyrics. But who couldn't?
Check It Out John Mellencamp -- I've said enough about this song earlier. The song and the video are a bit different from one another; this is a studio recording, but it's still a damn good song.
Everybody Loves Me But You Juliana Hatfield -- Yet another song I can easily identify with! I heard that she knew of a (possibly Brenda Lee or Tammy Wynette) song with the same title and liked the title so much wanted to cover it, but she couldn't find it or couldn't record it. So she made up a song of her own. I love her voice as well.
In Bloom Nirvana -- I loooooved this video when I was in high school, especially when they were shown wearing dresses (cheap laughs, I know!) I just remember this part were they are completely going mental in their dresses and destroying the stage in their dresses and wow, it just looked cool!
State Of Love And Trust Pearl Jam -- Two reasons why I like this song: "And I listen for the voices inside my head. Nothing, I'll do this one myself." and the "Hey na na na na hey that's something!" parts. That's about it. A really strong song from one of my favorite bands.
Good Morning, Captain Slint -- This song gives me the chills whenever I hear it. It's close to 8 minutes long but it really doesn't feel like that. I play a movie in my head everytime I hear this song, where it could fit in well with The Perfect Storm or The Fog: the song makes mention of a shipwreck with a lone survivor trying to enlist help from a small frightened boy who lives near the beach. And I love the unique guitar sound, how it is quiet and sinister at first and progressively builds up into something beautifully horrible. The one part that gets me is where the leader singer is saying things like "I promise I'll be better when I'm older" and "I'll make it up to you and I miss you..." and then he bellows "I miss you!" in one of the most heart-wreching ways possible like 3 or 4 times over the band which is now really rocking out, and the song ends with 20 seconds of a sustained chord before as it fades out. It's like my generations "A Day in the Life." Everytime I hear this song, I am basically left speechless over what a cool song this is.
Vertigo U2 -- Earphones have made me love this song even more, as I get to hear "Turn it up loud, Captain!" which was hard to notice before when it played on the computer. Also, this cable TV station I watch used this song for its promo of "Lost" and everytime I hear the "Hello hello!" part I can't help but think of the promo where that part of the song comes on and then there's this loud gunshot sound where you see Sawyer shooting a gun. It's a hard-rocking song on its own, but yeah, the gunshot worked well with it too.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Not Much of an Eraser After All...

So an interesting thing happened to me a few days ago: a combination of this post and this post, and now I am gurgling in my obnoxiousness, trying to reel it all in before my friends declare I have provided them with too much information.

My perceptions may have changed, as the last time any thing like this happened, my perception was soured the next morning by the news of my ultra-socially conservative mother's death. For the longest time, I couldn't divorce the two things that had happened almost at once. And so even if I had the chance, I'd probably be scared by the thought of a phone call or email from the fam asking me to remain calm while they tell me something.

And on a smaller, less emotional, but much more juvenile scale, it's been over a year. (Well, I'm not the kind of person to actively seek this stuff out! And yes, I have a feeling that while it seems guys doing the one night stand thing feel almost obligated to say to the other person that they are "nervous," and some girls might feel like they have to say "I don't normally do this," it happens to be true for me. Heh. No really!)

And now after this time, I am actually doing something unexpected and thinking that while I now have a valid working email address, and we've now exchanged one letter apiece, do I even want to continue to write him? For while it was a definite ego boost, part of me is saying I'd love to quit while I am ahead, for lack of a better phrase, as I really would like to remember this guy in the best possible way, as a very sweet and kind guy who treated me well (and not like a pencil eraser) when we met each other, with no possibility of weirdness or disappointment that may follow later from trying to extend the shelf life of something that may need not be extended. (I'm not being too shallow here, the guy is not even living in the same country as me, though we did come from the same one, God Bless America! And going along with that, I probably won't be having another for a really long time, which is fine, so I want this one to be the one I remember for a while.)

Edit: Well, OK, so I emailed him again. But I'm not really holding my breath.

I Always Liked Her!

Katharine Hepburn
You scored 21% grit, 42% wit, 38% flair, and 11% class!

You are the fabulously quirky and independent woman of character. You go your own way, follow your own drummer, take your own lead. You stand head and shoulders next to your partner, but you are perfectly willing and able to stand alone. Others might be more classically beautiful or conventionally woman-like, but you possess a more fundamental common sense and off-kilter charm, making interesting men fall at your feet. You can pick them up or leave them there as you see fit. You share the screen with the likes of Spencer Tracy and Cary Grant, thinking men who like strong women.

Take The Classic Dames Test

Saturday, December 10, 2005

I Love Random

Some wit and wisdom from Mitch Hedberg for you to enjoy.

Some of my favorites:

  • I have an oscillating fan at home; it looks like it's saying 'Noo...' so I like to ask it questions that a fan would say 'no' to. "Do you keep my hair in place? Do you keep my documents in order? Do you have three settings? Liar! My fan lied to me! Now I will pull the pin up. Now you ain't sayin' shit!
  • I was in downtown Boise, Idaho, and I saw a duck, and I knew the duck was lost, 'cause ducks ain't s'posed to be downtown. There's nothin' for 'em there. So I went to a Subway sandwich shop, I said, "Let me have a bun." But she wouldn't sell me just the bun, she said that I had to have something on it. She told me it's against regulations for Subway to sell just the bun. I guess the two halves ain't supposed to touch. So I said, "Alright, well, put some lettuce on it," which she did. She said, "That'll be $1.75." I said, "It's for a duck." And they said, "All right, well, then it's free." See, I did not know that. Ducks eat for free at Subway! Had I known that, I would have ordered a much larger sandwich. "Let me have the Steak Fajita Sub - but don't bother ringing it up, it's for a duck! There are six ducks out there, and they all want Sun Chips!"
  • They say Diet Dr Pepper tastes just like regular Dr Pepper. Well, then, they fucked up!
  • I want to be a race car passenger; just a guy who bugs the driver. "Say, man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Can I stick my feet out the window? Why do we gotta keep going in circles? Man, you really like 'Tide' ..."

Sunday, December 04, 2005

You Have To See This With Your Own Eyes!

I forget where I stumbled upon this....oh yeah. http://popwatch.ew.com. This is a series of bad movies but pretty funny movies called "Yacht Rock." I guess yacht rock is for those rich people in the 1980s who liked to sail on yachts and try their hardest to look like Don Johnson.

What I love about these vidoes is the fact that none of these guys are really even trying to look like Hall and Oates or Kenny Loggins or Michael McDonald. And the talk about everything being smooth, well I am a music fan first and foremost, so even if this kind of music pretty much represents everything I hate about corporate rock (Yeah Yeah I can't hear you cause I got the Joshua Tree turned up nice and loud on my iPod!) it's still pretty entertaining.

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things

OK, enough snarking. I don't want to bog my blog (heh) down with worrying about crap. So, I am going to instead focus on how yesterday, during the day, our school had its picnic and I had a really great time hanging out with my students and their parents. With the parents there, it was a great opportunity to just play with the kids and be silly with them and enjoy the science exhibits (nerd!) that this conservation park had.

I think I have mentioned her before, but I have this one really special girl in my class, who has only just turned 5, but she is just so smart, and really happy and bright. She is a lovely girl and it made me really happy yesterday that she said "Miss Kate, I want to follow you," she wanted to spend the day with me at the park. I just mean that in a way like there are always going to be some children who will be afraid of me cause I don't speak Cantonese and the words coming out of my mouth sound really odd, or I don't look like their mommy or daddy. I just can't really describe it, but she is an absolute joy to have in my class, and her entire family is just cool too.

And then today I was online with my friend Sabrina, and I said Hello, and she told me she was just thinking of me and how much fun we always have together whenever we meet up. I really appreciated that -- as most of my friends are in these strange things called relationships now, it's really good to have that single friend who can keep you afloat when you have found you've somehow wandered into the shallow end of the dating pool.

Oh, and one more thing I just found: The Tanya Donnelly album, Love Songs For Underdogs, circa 1997, is a really strong album, and 8 songs into it, everything has just been really solid. Maybe you know her better from Belly or the Throwing Muses or her brief stint in The Breeders, but this album is just really good poppy stuff. It's my intention to build my CD collection around the cassettes I owned in high school and college (nerd! I'm only a short hop from anal retentively cataloging my music like my dad did...cassettes comprised of diferent bands covering the same songs, for example.) and so far I plan on must-having Matthew Sweet's Girlfriend, Belly's Star album, Sonic Youth's Dirty and Goo, Nirvana's In Utero, and the early stuff from R.E.M. Murmur, Reckoning, that era.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! (Le Deuxieme etage)

I am so sick of being the girl that no one wants to kiss, the invisible girl. I don't want to pull in a bar but I really don't want to own 63 cats by the time I am 45. I know this is the wrong thing to say, but I can't even...win. I can't attract anyone to me it seems and I'm hopeless when it comes to talking to guys in a way that would say, hey, I'm interested in more than your sense of pop culture. How about we share a meal over some red wine and candlelight sometime? Or just go to a restaurant and a movie?

I met a guy who I had previously thought of as aloof, steadfastly and well, a bit cold. And then last Wednesday I got the chance to talk to him and found him funny and interesting. I ignored the comment about my hair, that it made me look like a 10 year old boy. His stock went up in spite of that comment, and I had told myself that I was going to ask him out this Sunday, if only for practice, as I didn't think he would be horrible in rejecting me (if he would at all).

Flash forward to me seeing him kiss...practically make out with...this girl he just met tonight at the club we were all at. It's so fucking high school, I know. But I don't know how to say "Hey guys check me out," and not seem tramp. I don't know how to be witty while intoxicated or sober. I'd like to think this whole embarrassment is God's way of saying "No, no, no, him? You've got to be kidding me!" but how many times does that have to happen to me before I can find someone who would at least regard me as someone with more sexuality than a pencil eraser? Part of me is screaming to find someone..anyone...so I can "feel like a woman," but then another part of me is asking could that really be accomplished doing that, and that would probably make me feel as comfy as wearing a flowery hoop skirt and corset would.

Why is it so hard in this day and age to find companionship? Or the start of something worthwhile?